From 'atavus' ep.
Fear welled up inside of Da'an. Something was not right, something was very, very, very wrong. Zo'or wasn't doing any good pressing him onwards in a conversation that made no sense at this time. In fact, a lot of things were loosing sense. Da'an then realized....
and then I realized. I was loosing touch with the commonality. My connection, my link, that made me whole. I looked down towards my own hand and watched, what was left of my civilized self begin to fade away, as new flesh emerged. Flesh, Taelons have not had solid flesh like this since eons ago.
The pain, the horrible pain - from..... absolute and complete utter silence. All the voices, hushed. The support, gone. I could not hold on any longer. I called in anguish, and no one turned a hand to aid, but all had turned away and left me in my time of great need. Silence, with nothing but mine own thoughts alone.
Power? Pleasure! ...no... pleasant? no... what is the word to describe this awesome feeling? To be surrounded, to feel a mass of comfort, support. Its almost like, not even the best of drugs on the street can match this feeling. Like floating from ones self, seeing through the minds of others, their thoughts and experiences, now as if my own.
Da'an? Da'an??? DA'AN!!!! Where... ??? ?? ? - Right before my very eyes. I should have seen it coming. I should have felt it. But I didn't. You... you.... this thing, this creature, this horribly ugly and repulsive in every sense beast, are not my parent. No longer. You vile creature you, you're hope of ever becoming my parent again, is now lost. All hope, gone. What ever you have done to Da'an, you will now pay for it, with your very life!!
No, please...no...go away. Lili, no. Go away, let not anyone see me like this, please. I am not wanted, rejected and refused am I now by my own kind even, and most of all, my child will not acknowledge me like this anymore. Zo'or will turn his back on me. In his eyes....please, Lili, go away, leave me, don't let them see me like this. For shamed am I. Rejected and unwanted, I am now and outcast and am banned from ever going back, stay away from me Lili, you are so precious, I do not want you harmed by my hand, don't follow me.....look away Lili...look away....
Wait!!! wait....there is hope yet. I must get there. At all costs, I don't care anymore. I must go, go now. No one will stand in my path, and if anyone should stop me, then its too bad for them now isn't it? - you humans...you will depart from my path now!! But not without a gift for me....heh heh heh heeaahh.....this will only sustain me for a short while....I will find another.
Bliss, pure and utter bliss! To describe it perhaps? And all for only ten seconds, and time was lost for me in three hours! Awe!!! man.....never mind my futile attempts with Lili, just as long as I can sit here for....
Oh no!! What have I done? Oh my gosh, I'm in deep s..............now? Uh oh....oh my gosh. Ok, hold on, think clearly, uh ..uh ...Get my stuff together...hurry!! He's....
....here. I'm finally here!! You!! GIVE IT TO ME NOW!! Where?!..where?? WHERE IS IT?!?!
You humans!! You will stop firing upon me now!! run..run..I must run now..run, hide, go away. yes. hide. they can't see me like this. no. run. run away far away.
By now, Da'an had regressed farther and farther away from the controlled thoughts of order that a Taelon lays trust into. Da'ans mind was racing, hate for the humans, fear of the humans, sorrow for himself, sense of emptiness that could not be filled, hopelessness...emotions. Emotions that he had never known till now. And even in this stage, didn't know that they were even called emotions. The same thoughts kept circling through his mind, and would not stop, constantly arguing repetitively. And when they didn't, there was nothing but silence, pure silence so loud it was deafening despite all the noise that could be heard around the city for miles. It was not the noise Da'an was seeking. Da'an had returned back into the primitive state of a Taelon, uncontrolled and unorganized, unwanted by all - Taelon or human.
All hope is lost. It is over. It is gone, no longer can I sense it. Doomed to remain like this for an eternity. My kind despises me, and turns their faces from me, repulsed are they by my very existence, even the very thought of its mention. Once was I held in high esteem, now, I am at the bottom of the ladder. Left to wallow in the very depths. And humanity, cannot and will not help me now, nor could they ever. If I must slay the entire civilization for this, I WILL!!
Wait!!....wait....yet hope do I sense again? hurry..hurry... I must hurry. Let no human stand in my path for this time I will succeed!
Lili? That is your name...Lili? You, I know you. You will not hurt me, you...you? Who are you? Lili? I...I...
...Will defend myself!! All you humans - seeking my destruction! run..run now, again, I must run. run away, run far far away. It is gone now for sure. No longer hath I hope for return..
I know I can save you, I don't know how, just that I can. Da'an, trust me. Remember? We are connected, you know me, you trust me. Da'an? I know you're in there. So does Lili, Da'an, follow me, take my hands yet again. Return to where you belong. I can help you, let me help you. See the path Da'an? Follow it, go to it, you can see it, so can I. It's alright, everything is going to be ok.
Da'an? You are?? How can this be!! This is impossible!! I ordered you eliminated, and yet you were not. How can this be? Those humans! They will be punished for not following orders! Are you really here? Is that really you? NO! I refuse to believe it. It is an imposter, no. You are not my parent.......you are, my parent, Da'an..you are back.
Oh Liam, Lili...why? why? Look not on me, for even more shamed am I now, then I was before. Never had I taken the life of another with my own hands, till....till. Please, you should have let me go and ended my misery. For shamed am I to stand with my two friends, if you still are. What was I doing? What was I thinking? How could this have happened? Why?? Why?? complete confusion.
You have no idea, how frightening it is, to be alone with ones thoughts, the same thoughts, that go running through your mind, over and over and over again. This is why Taelons are connected in the Commonality, to support one another. Or we'd be lost in our own thoughts, thinking in repetition only but a few things. Anger, hatred, sadness, all emotions, we fought to rid ourselves of, for they all had led to nothing but the death of others as we rampaged and ransacked seeking a way to fill a void that we knew not existed. Till we had learned to link one to another, then link again, and again, till we multiplied, into what the commonality is today. A higher form of thinking, of learning that helped us reach our state of being as we are now. And not the lowly creature you saw me to be, forever now, will I be that way deep down inside, a beast without regard for life of others.
Redemption is all I seek, for the lives of the victims I claimed. And trust. For I know now, any trust the humans had in me, must be gone, save for my friends Liam and Lili here.
Da'an had talked with Liam and Lili long and hard, in complete and utter seriousness, with nothing but a feeling of shame and remorse coupled with guilt. After much consideration, and a little convincing to Lili, Liam decided for the betterment of both Taelons and humanity, if it was entrusted to Da'an, the very secrets within the bowels of the church.
And it would be in a church, that Da'an found redemption. Forgiveness, and atonement for his crimes as well as his species crimes, against humanity. To go down into the very depths, which could have ended up as his everlasting hell instead of heaven. Learning what faith is all about. Exposed already was his weakness and shame, what more to loose was his life?
Please, forgive me father - father of Joshua Doors, father of the Resistance movement against my kind. Forgive me and my species. I come down here as a sacrificial offering, if it is one less Taelon that will help bridge the gap of our differences, then take it. If not that, then please take my hand, and my own offering of placing your trust in me. Major Kincaid has placed his trust in me and you by exposing me here, completely vulnerable am I now, as well as you. I will not share with the commonality what I know here, but keep it locked away safe and hidden.
I bow my head and extend my hand, forgiveness and a chance for redemption is all I ask, please...let me make atonement. All it takes is a little faith, I know you will never trust me fully, but a little is all I ask...please...
Photos on this page are from Gene Roddenberry's Earth: Final Conflict Official Site
and are copyright 2001, Tribune Entertainment Co.
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